when i'm feeling sad...

i don't deserve any of the happiness in the world.
i'm better off dead. i'm better off disappearing from the face of the earth, no?

all i do is hurt others and disappoint others
and i don't know how to stop doing that.

nobody understands because when shit happens and i can't explain it, they have explanations for it.
i don't
and what they say, sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it does not
but i don't have any explanations of my own
because those aren't my explanations.
and i just feel inadequate and stupid and hopeless and stupid and unworthy of love or anything good.
because i am not.